The dial drifts on its own now… searching for a different kind of story. It settles on one of those late-night advice shows that somehow only exist after midnight. Tonight’s host: Uncle Tootsie.

The letters are real. The problems are real. The advice… well… that’s another story.

[Announcer Voice: Late-night talk-show host. Warm, witty, and completely unqualified.]

Hi there… and welcome back to Ask Uncle Tootsie here on 103.5 FM. Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable. I’ll be right with...

The static builds like the whine of a jet engine spooling up, and then, just like that, the frequency locks in. For a half-second, I can almost smell the jet fuel and see that name written on the side of the aircraft.

[Announcer Voice: High adrenaline. Somewhere between fighter pilot and used-car salesman.]

In naval aviation, nobody cares what your mother called you. You get a call sign, and the more you hate it, the faster it spreads through the squadron like food poisoning on deployment.

Here...

The static hums—faint and restless. I reach for the dial, turn it ever so slightly, and watch the needle glide across invisible frequencies until a sound catches.

The signal sharpens. The noise fades. The distant percussion of a slot machine paying out—everything drenched in neon and nostalgia.

The frequency locks in… Vegas.

[Announcer Voice: Low, raspy, fast-talking baritone—slightly unhinged, like he’s three energy drinks into the night]

SHENANIGANS! That’s what we call it here at 100.9 FM. The...